Change. Not something I deal with very well. I manage the small things, I've learnt to cope, but the big things? The big things are difficult, and a couple of big changes have happened here in the last few months.
After 13 years, I'm now a single lady again. That's a pretty big change, right? Enough for a person to deal with?
Nope. Just a few short months later my beloved Henry died.
Honestly, I don't think I've ever been so sad.
I've hidden myself away a little bit. I've found it more difficult than usual to be out and put on a cheerful face. Don't get me wrong, I've had good days, I've been out and seen people, I've not been a total recluse! And I have created. Sewing, quilting, crochet and knitting have helped enormously, kept me busy, given my brain something gentle and pretty to focus on.
But now I am feeling a little bit stronger. I've been on my own for 5 months (obviously not actually alone - my beautiful Molly is here with me) and I need to get back some of the 'me' and not just be sad and frightened. Like the true introvert I am, I'm reaching out to all my internet friends, because I can do that from my sofa, in my jammies, and I can't see or hear anyone who isn't kind about it all. I have stayed active on IG (albeit a little erratically) and felt so supported by so many people when Henry died. It made me feel 'normal' that I was so utterly devastated by the loss of a cat, so many people understood. And so I'm hoping that I can find that support again, through my blog as well as IG. That there will be other people who are dealing with the breakdown of a relationship, the loss of a pet, depression - there, I said the D word. Not something I like to admit to, although I know I shouldn't feel ashamed, I still find it so hard to talk about.
I don't want this to be a big, old moaning post, I just want to explain a little about why I haven't been here. To say that now I want to be back, to focus on the positive, to move forward. To share my passion for creating with people who understand!! I've joined a few IG swaps, and I'm going to try linking up with other things that are going on too. So I hope to see you all very, very soon!!
Much love,
Karen xxxxx
I've just stumbled across your blog but felt so sad to read your post. You definitely shouldn't feel ashamed of the depression, but it's hard, isn't it? It still feels like there's a stigma attached and it's something we can control - just cheer up, pull our socks up and put on a smile. My mum has to remind me often that it's an illness and people wouldn't expect me to heal myself from a broken leg so easily, so why should I be able to shrug off depression like it's nothing. Your depression is understandable considering what you've been through and, although it often doesn't feel like it ever will, it WILL pass. I hope you've got a support network to help you through, but please feel free to email me if you want to talk about it. x p.s. hope this isn't odd coming from a stranger but I know how isolating depression is and wanted you to know you're not suffering alone. Well done for admitting it.
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